Dear Natalie Portman,

photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com - 2011

Congratulations on your Golden Globe award last night! I loved your pink dress with that big sparkly rose (you looked like a Valentine card!)  and that your Mom and Dad were there with you. They looked super-proud. But I have something to admit to you and I am not all that proud. I am soooo jealous of you. You are smart, funny, talented, beautiful and in love– AND you seem normal, too! There are a lot of starlets who don’t seem at all that happy or able to deal with the world. I’m thinking of someone who rhymes with “Bindsey Bohan.”

I also have to confess that I am probably one of only a tiny group of teenagers who actually listens to “Fresh Air with Terry Gross.” I really liked the interview you did with her a few weeks ago. I was all prepared to have my jealousy begin reaching into the dangerous “I hate you” zone, but it didn’t. Sure, you seemed interesting and smart and talked a lot about what it was like being my age. I think it’s funny that your Mom used to pack chicken salad sandwiches in your lunch that were forbidden at the Jewish school you went to. They weren’t kosher, and you were trying to convince your friends that you were eating tuna salad. I don’t know why, but that made me laugh out loud.

I guess I don’t hate you because I realized one very important thing about you,  Princess Amidala. It finally sunk in that you are just like me. No, I’m not engaged to a gorgeous world-class dancer and star in big Hollywood movies. I don’t have the budget for a Hermes purse or a trip to Bali. I don’t hang out with actors like Ashton Kutcher and Ewan McGregor. Nope, none of those realities apply to me.

While I think you’ve done well for yourself in the whole Hollywood arena, I want to tell you what I most admire about you. When you were in high school, you entered a paper called ”A Simple Method To Demonstrate the Enzymatic Production of Hydrogen from Sugar,” in the Intel Science Talent Search. I’ve always wondered if there was a simple process like that and– boom– you figured it out!

I also dig that you contributed to a study on memory called “Frontal Lobe Activation During Object Permanence” when you were majoring in psychology at Harvard. Personally, I’ve tried staring at things to make them move, but so far I haven’t come up with much. Maybe you can tell me more about what’s going on with my frontal lobe. I’m hoping to go to school in Boston, too. But I’m leaning towards Emerson College.

Also, I had no idea that you have an Erdős–Bacon number. That is so cool! Wikipedia says that this number is a “concept which reflects the ‘small world phenomenon’ in academia and entertainment by measuring the ‘collaborative distance’ between that person and Hungarian mathematician Paul Erdős—and the number of links, through roles in films, by which the individual is separated from American actor Kevin Bacon.” Did you know that your Erdos-Bacon number is 6 (the lower the better)? Stephen Hawking’s is 7! Good for you.

Anyway, I just want to say congratulations on Black Swan and No Strings Attached , your pending nuptials and the baby. Man, you’re packing a whole lotta life into just a few years. I wonder where I will be when I’m 29? If all goes well, maybe someone will be writing to me and saying, “Well done.”

Always,

Capra

P.S. I am sending this letter to:

COMPANY: Handsome Charlie Films; 1720-1/2 Whitley Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90028; 323-462-6013

MANAGER: Aleen Keshishian, Brillstein Entertainment Partners; 9150 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 350, Beverly Hills, CA 90212; 310-275-6135

About these ads