Dear Kardashian Sisters,

Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in 1987.

I usually write fan letters of thanks and praise, but I’m sort of changing it up a bit with this one. First, I have to say that I don’t watch a whole lot of TV. It’s not because I don’t want to, but because my parents refuse to join the 21st century and have more than one televison. And when it is on, it’s mostly reserved for whatever’s in our Netflix queue. By the way, watching Lost back to back is totally the way to go.

Anyway, last week I got a really bad cold and I was home alone all day. I found myself watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I’m not quite sure why I couldn’t look away, but it was fascinating. But (and please don’t be too offended) not in a good way. I actually have several questions for you, if you don’t mind.

1) What is your job? I mean, is being a celebrity an actual job? Don’t you have to act in a movie, make a record, write a book or something like that? I’m not judging, just asking. I’m thinking about a future as a celebrity also.

2) Is being notorious a good way to break into show biz? How does that work? I wouldn’t have to do anything illegal, would I? I just can’t go there.

3) Please take this as feedback, but I think you all wear way too much make-up. Did you know that what goes on your body goes in your body? Unless it’s made of all-natural ingredients, you are all walking timebombs. At least consider toxin-free products if you don’t already use those.

4) You have two younger sisters who now want to follow in the older sister’s footsteps. Do all Kardashians want to be celebrities? What about traveling or helping people or starting a sustainable business? I’m just throwing it out there.

Listen, I think you’re all beautiful (every woman is beautiful), but what if you took a break from show business and spent a year in a third world country helping girls to read or start businesses? Make it even more adventurous and go with only one carry on bag and no eyeliner. Just think about it.

I’m seriously not trying to be snarky or mean. But I’m at age when my peers are sort of freaking out about the way they look and if boys like them. It seems like one day, all of a sudden, the stuff that mattered to you isn’t as important as what you’re wearing or who you’re with. Believe me, I care about those things too. I spend a lot of time picking out my outfits, even making some of them. To me it’s a matter of expression, not just attracting boys. Sure, I dream about certain rock stars and actors and other assorted celebs and wonder if, someday, one of them might fall in love with me. Yes, I totally understand the fantastical nature of this sort of thinking. But it seems you spend so much of your time creating a different kind of fantasy, don’t you?

The fantasies you create tell girls that how you look, how much money you have, how cute your boyfriend is, how much stuff you can get and how much space you can take up are more important than practically anything else. But here’s the thing. I know you don’t really believe all of that. Do you? Because as wacky as it is to make a family’s career being famous, it’s really clear that all of you are very close. There is love there, so I’m worried that the popularity of your show is basically just pandering to people’s lowest instincts and their most superficial desires.

That’s all very heavy, I know. So how can a teenager like me feel confident enough to give advice to ladies much older and much more experienced in life? Well, I’ve had some pretty great role models in the “what’s important in life” department. A lot of them care way more about love, than stuff. We all want that feeling of being in love and being desired and we frantically chase it down through fashion magazines, movies and shows like yours.

But here’s the thing. I just came across this amazing animated video based on a real-life conversation between an older married couple named Danny & Annie from Brooklyn, NY. This lovely story was captured for NPR’s Story Corps and later animated. It tells the story of a dying man who is recounting how much he loved his wife. His wife is there by his side, forever grateful for the uncomplicated, uninhibited big sort of love that she got for so many years. What’s so touching about this story was the kindness between them. And after I watched it, I realized that while it would be so great to be Annie, it was even better to be Danny– a person who could love so completely and so deeply. I want to be like him. I hope someday that you can put something beautiful into the world that will tell girls that glamour, money, fame and stuff is nothing compared to the tenderness that can accompany a love like Annie and Danny’s. Here… see for yourself.

Always,

Capra

P.S. I am sending this letter to Kim’s publicist:

Noelle Keshishian; PMK*BMC; 8687 Melrose Avenue, 8th Floor; Los Angeles, CA 90069; Phn: +1 310 289 6200

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